the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
