I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
