Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Are my feet made of real feet?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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