problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
