my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
