This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
