Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
