Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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