um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
