you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
