soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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