He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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