Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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