I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
