i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize