brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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