just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
