yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
