I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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