How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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