Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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