I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
