Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
