You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
