god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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