Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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