i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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