My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
