I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
