We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
