How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
