Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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