All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
