she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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