found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
