are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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