he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize