my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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