I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize