38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
