and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
