Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
