never play flip cup with pint glasses
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize