i just wanna soil my oats bro
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
