I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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