Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
