At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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