Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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