she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
