I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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