Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
