i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
