I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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