a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
