Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
