The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
