My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
