I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
