I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
