hotel room ftw
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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