I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
