nut hugger
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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