Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
