if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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