i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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