Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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