God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
