I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
