Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
