Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize