I wish my penis had an off switch
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
