Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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