I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
