i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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