The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
