like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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