Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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