So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
