she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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