i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want her autograph on my taint
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
