Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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