Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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