Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
