The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize