i think i have herpe
just one?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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