You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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