its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
