she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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