I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
