drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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