I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
