Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
