I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
