if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
