Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Alive.
So much puke
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
