Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
