So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
