So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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