The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
