i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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