It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
