so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
