I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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