My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
