you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
