Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
