when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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